Judging

I recently said to someone "don't judge me" after I'd sent them something to read. And now that a few days have passed, I've been thinking about why I chose to say that. And it comes down to vulnerability. I was nervous to share it and that's why I reacted with fear of judgment. No one likes to feel like they're being judged, but as that thought crossed my mind another one contradicted it. People who are not confident, people who are unsure of what they're sharing, people who are trying to impress someone, people who are afraid of being vulnerable - these are the people who don't like being judged.

I was comfortable with these thoughts I'd had but sharing them made me vulnerable. And that fear was why I reacted with that phrase. What I meant was, I'm afraid that sharing this with you will permanently alter how you view me and will change our relationship.

The thing is - when it comes to people I care about, I should be comfortable enough with myself and with our friendship not to say that. And if it's someone I don't care about or if it negatively impacts that friendship - well then who cares? I respect my friends and that needs to go both ways which means that my real friends won't judge me. At least they won't judge me in a negative way like what is implied from requesting judgement be withheld.

The world can judge me all it likes. The best people for me will love me because of who I am regardless. While it is hard to be vulnerable and even harder to see friendships change or go, the right people will be a part of my life. The rest I don't need.