I was always that person who corrected people on their grammar or word choice. It's not something I'm necessarily proud of, it was a compulsion. Half the time, I didn't even realize I was doing it until I started listening to myself more, and by that point it was too late and I'd committed to being "that person" again. If you don't believe me, here's an anecdote: I told my ex-boyfriend - while he was trying to break up with me, no less - that irregardless wasn't a word after he said it as we argued. That definitely couldn't have helped the situation but I promise you, he'll probably never forget that the word is "regardless".
Although most people would say that it's just semantics, from my experiences I've come to the conclusion that semantics are more meaningful than people realize. How many times have we all been misunderstood because we fumbled with semantics while communicating or used a word that actually wasn't the right word for what we were trying to say? It probably comes across as appropriate and perhaps a bit ironic that I was a media and communication major during my undergraduate career, but I chose it for many reasons none of which had to do with how I can be technical about communicating. It is mostly makes sense in hindsight. But one of many reasons why I am particular about semantics is because of the power of words. I don't think humans are so much better than other living creatures but I have an appreciation for what we have been given, namely the ability to communicate with words. An ability that creates such a plethora of emotions that I don't believe there are even words to describe everything that a person can feel.
During college, a friend of mine was going through something and she kept using the word "should". I turned to her and said: "There's a reason why "should" doesn't have an equivalent in most
languages; why it's in the past tense. Should is a world of regret.
Figure out what you want to do and do it." Now I realize that's not completely accurate, but it stemmed from something my high school french teacher had said, that there was no proper translation for the word "should", and it stuck with me. Although I didn't think much of her comment at the time, it inspired what I told my friend a few years later when we were in college.
"Should" is a funny word. It it most commonly read as "ought to" or "must". It doesn't follow standard grammatical rules. Officially I think the word "shall" is the present tense of the word, but personally I don't think that quite works. Shall is just a present tense verb which can result in action or non-action. My issue with "should" is that there is an implication in the use of the word depending on what action or non-action occurred. If I "should" have done something and didn't, that implies failure on my part. While I could have chosen not to act or I could have tried something different, it carried an implication of being incorrect because I didn't do what I "should" have. I have found that it can be a truly hurtful word due to this connotation of implied negativity. To not do what you "should", is to be wrong. Granted, there are many other words that carry an expectation of acting on something, however I've found that "should" is most often used in a "I should've done this" or "I should've said that" way (Side note: "should of" is not a thing, please for the love of all things holy, stop it). And this is problematic to me because our world isn't black and white, therefore there is no one right thing that "should" be. So when people say that something or someone "should"/"shouldn't", I reject that view. We need to keep moving forward and do what we can with what we have or we will find that we're stuck in the same place.
This parallels with a phrase that my college friends and I have stopped using in the last few years. "It is what it is." I can't say for sure whether I despise this phrase or "should" more, but I think they are both problematic for similar reasons. They take what currently is and negate its significance. If you "should" or "should have" done something, then to do otherwise is not right. If you say "it is what it is" you are accepting something that you are unsatisfied with, you empower that which is not right by allowing it to be. Back in September, I heard a sermon about why we need to stop saying "it is what it is" by replacing it with "it can become what it ought to be". This is something that I can appreciate because it requires both an acceptance of what is while making a conscientious decision to act.
The question I'm left with is how do you take action when your hands are tied and yet you're unwilling to accept that "it is what it is"? I've watched my friends struggle with so many experiences that were completely outside of their ability to enact change (multiple people with visa issues jump to mind here), so if your hands are tied, what can you do? Whatever the opportunity may be, the worst thing we could possibly do is become complacent and say that "it is what it is" or that we "should" or "shouldn't" have done or felt something different. This kind of thinking is so prevalent among our age group and it's one of the many reasons why we've been dubbed lazy and unmotivated. While things may not go the way we expected or hoped, that is generally becoming more of a life trend. Now that we're past the part of our lives that come with a somewhat organized map with a course of action dependent upon our past actions, the "real world" has opened its doors and the openness terrifies us. There are almost too many options that we freeze up and go for the safe option or the easy choice. But that kind of thinking won't get us to where we want to go and neither will "should".
So I return to the end of the phrase I told my friend in college, "Figure out what you want to do and do it." That's not to say it'll be easy. But if we "should" through life, we won't truly be living in the present, we'll continue to experience regret as we keep living in a theoretically parallel universe. It doesn't have to be what it is. It is never too late to change. And no one is going to do it for us, nothing is going to be handed to us. We have to choose to act. Even if we don't end up quite where we expected initially, as long as we look ahead to the destination we desire, in time we will get to where we're supposed to be.