Theme: Freedom and Being Free

We are currently in the midst of Pesach, or Passover, a holiday that has become the 8 day (or for some people only 7 or even 2 day) Thanksgiving equivalent for Jews. There are certainly parallels between these two occasions - families coming together at a huge dinner table where we succumb to eating hefty amounts of culturally significant food. But there's another similarity that - in our increasingly secular world - it seems many are forgetting or worse, bypassing as an opportunity to have a conversation. At the root of both holidays is a word that is highly complex and often used yet not appreciated or considered by those who believe they have it already: Freedom.

It seems to be generally accepted that people have the ability to choose, that free will is a given. I could argue both sides to whether or not we have free will but that's not the point of what I'm trying to say so let's approach this under the guise of free will and choice existing. With this in mind, I ask what kinds of Freedom with a capital F we have. For Americans (which is what I am and therefore the lens I use here), there are five freedoms that we're "guaranteed" under the constitution. Can you name them all? In case you don't, they're freedom of assembly, petition, press, religion, and speech. The thing is, do we really have all of those things? I have read so many stories recently where people are denied these supposed "basic" freedoms, and this is of course not the first time in the history of humanity that freedom has been an issue. We are currently waiting for the decisions on DOMA and Prop 8 some time before the end of June, legislation that has denied many freedoms that their neighbors have.

On a smaller scale, there are other kinds of freedom that I've been considering but they're not the kind of freedom that people generally think about. I think that freedom is more of that overarching, legislatively influenced, societally accepted/expected kind of free, but there's another kind of freedom that we take for ourselves. Because those freedoms I was talking about, those don't give people as much choice. Sometimes our hands are tied and we are unable to just make a choice. We need to act and take that freedom back for ourselves. But I'm referring to when we do have the choice, the option to be free. We can choose to be free rather than slaves. When I finally ended a toxic relationship, I chose to be free of my ex and free of commitment. When I decided that the job I was in was only holding me back and making me miserable, I left it. I realized that I'd become a slave to my relationship, a slave to an unfulfilling job, a slave to myself. And obviously in a way we're all slaves to something or someone at some point in our lives. It is only when we realize what is holding us back, what we are slaves to, that we can then claim our freedom and get from where we are to where we're supposed to be.

So we can keep attending the Passover Seder and the Thanksgiving Feast, but let's not forget these themes of freedom and being free. Let's take these opportunities to be introspective and enlightening. We may be retelling the same story, but our lives have changed, altered, grown since the last time we were together. Rather than just going through the motions, I encourage us all to see these holidays as more than a chance to engage in familial drama before simply returning to our regular day-in, day-out. By continuing to give meaning to these experiences, we will continue to grow and learn, and isn't that the most freeing thing of all?

One of my issues with Halacha

It started with all the issues about women praying at the wall in Israel. Regardless of my own personal opinions I think that many of the arguments against it has come from tradition. But my main issue is that the laws of Judaism were not written to be understood in our modern language.

So when it comes down to it, rabbinic tradition came from who interpreted it and they did so within the context of the world they lived in. Whether they were saints or ordinary men, they defined what they believed to be what was written to mean the only things they could understand and foresee, they were not fortune tellers, just teachers.

That being said, the world that contextualized how they defined Halacha no longer exists. And that does not mean that the Halacha is not longer applicable, it simply means that it needs to be adapted as we humans have adapted over time.

A Rant about Homosexuality

Apparently, a few weeks ago, an anchor on the news came out as a lesbian and announced that she and her partner were expecting. I was exposed to a conversation recently where two people were discussing this woman and the news. Their obviously shock as they were talking about how they didn't know that she was gay was unsettling but the worst was when one of them said, "from the way she reported the news, I always thought she was straight".

Here's the thing. The reason you assumed anything about her sexuality at all is because heterosexuality is the norm and it never crossed your mind that she would be anything else. In fact, the truth is that you never thought anything about her sexuality until you found out that it wasn't what the majority of people are. Consider now just how often you assume things about people. If I said, "He walked down the street", you probably imagined a heterosexual white man of average height. It is only if I give you a detail of who "he" is that you imagine something else based solely on the stereotypes you typically associate with that label. Her sexuality only became significant when you found out she wasn't like you.

Since you had never given her sexuality a thought until you found out it wasn't the norm, society dictates that for those in the public eye, this can be conceived of as "news". So when that basketball player publicly came out, everyone was buzzing about it. Talking about how powerful it is and the strength that it takes to accomplish such a thing. It changed nothing about his playing abilities, it is irrelevant in anyone life but his, and yet because we are hyper-aware of sexuality right now, we need to talk about it. If someone were to announce their religion, it's also still considered significant although not to the point of sexuality.

Race is something we can see (or so we are led to believe), correct? So by this standard, because we can compartmentalize people without even speaking with them, this is why announcing your "racial background" is not news worthy. And yet, because there are "qualities" that society has fixated on, announcing something that is not of the norm and that can't be observed visually, is held to a different standard. My confusion is why in the 21st century, we are still obsessing over the need to assign labels to people. These labels are constructed by society to mean something, they are not inherently known or understood, they need to be explained and taught. Until we stop placing so much emphasis on what a person is versus who are person is, we will continue to hold public figures coming out to a standard that continues showcases the differentness of those identities. And until we stop this focus on differentness, it is forgotten how similar we all are. Until it doesn't matter where you come from, what you believe, or who you love, these labels will define our lives. And how sad it that?

When I was the most observant

As a kid, we spent both Passover seders at my grandparents. My cousins were always there for one of the seders because they spent the other one with the other side of their family. When we got older, we started going to my aunt's for the first seder and then the second one would be spent with any combination of friends and family. At the same time, I was teaching myself a lot about Judaism and had begun to observe traditions that I hadn't grown up with. So while my extended family has future rabbis, in my immediate family I would probably be considered the most observant.

This year, our second seder was held at our house and for the first time, my parents had invited friends who are Jewish AND friends who are not. Being at this seder, especially after my mom asked me to pull some readings to add to the seder as a way of making sure everyone was learning something new, I realized a few things about myself in relation to my religion.

There is still so much that I don't know. And this is both an exciting blessing/adventure and also a daunting undertaking. I love learning and philosophizing and puzzles. This explains a lot to me because it is what drew me to experimenting with Judaism. I am practical and believe in only what can be proved. This has proven to be a dilemma for me due to how conflicting and outdated religious traditions can be. Yet I enjoy tradition and community; I find that I thrive best in that kind of environment. How/when does something become a tradition? How/when do those traditions change and when /why is it ok for some traditions to change and others stay the same? What motivates people to follow traditions and are there better reasons than others? And though I enjoy tradition (or more so, what tradition creates - a community), I'm troubled that tradition doesn't stem from what is written in the Torah, it comes from the interpretation of the rabbis. And who is to say that there aren't other possible ways of interpreting what is written? When it comes down to it, if there is a higher power (again, an issue I have because I over-intellectualize and need proof to believe in something) would it really matter if I didn't follow some of the more cultural traditions? Does it really matter if I eat a cheeseburger (though I haven't had one in almost 7 years) or use my cell phone on Saturday (which I still do without a second thought)? Wouldn't it be more important that I live my life in a morally and ethically sound way?

While both the Jews and goyim (non-Jews) all learned from what I shared at the seder, without sounding pretentious, I think that I was the one who learned the most.

Cycles

Every time I have a conversation with a few select friends, all connected to me via different aspects of my life because none of them overlap, I've noticed a few of the same topics cycle through. While I don't think we intentionally bring these things up, they make their way into discussions that a majority of the world would likely think we were crazy for considering. And it makes me wonder about the people I'm friends with compared to the small group of people I have these absurd one-on-one conversations with. It's difficult to put into words how we get onto these topics and how easily it just seems to flow with those select people but I'm curious what other people think because I'm so limited in the scope of who I've conversed with in this way.

Time
Does time only progress in a straight-foward, linear way or is there something more to time that we are incapable of understanding? Just like historically we've created deities to try to compartmentalize what we as humans are able to experience, have we done the same with time? What is time were experienced in the same way that a tree grows. All at once and then branching off into all the potential choices that we make? But what if time is cyclical, does that mean we have the ability to make choices at all? We are all confined by time on this planet, but if we only see what is directly in front of us and refuse to see into the past and the future, considering how they both shape the now, we're just hurting everyone.

Fear
This might be the only emotion that can be as equally freeing as it can be paralyzing. Generally it is only viewed as preventative, it stops you from doing things that could bring harm to you or others. It is not a bad emotion, it is necessary and has contributed to the survival of humankind. Yet it is also an emotion and by that nature, it does not always come from rational thought but is reactionary. This is when fear is crippling and holds us back from real progress. It is only upon acknowledging the fear, having awareness for how it is stopping us, and then purposefully overcoming it or doing something in spite of it, that fear can be freeing and beautiful. Yet we often accept this emotion and allow it to be debilitating rather than confronting it. To what extent is fear empowering and destroying us?

That's all I've got for now. Thoughts?

Being Happy

I think we complicate being happy. There is a certain simplicity in choosing to be happy and yet it seems that we frequently allow ourselves to choose other options. Happiness is a goal that we set for ourselves but don't allow ourselves to realistically obtain. It's something to strive for, to work toward, to try to be. And when we aren't, we justify it as a temporary state of being that will eventually turn into happiness.

I believe that we all do want to be happy. But want in and of itself is desire, need, wishing, hoping. It isn't fulfillment. Because there is always more to want, more to get. Our satisfaction is brief before we find something else to want. Something else to need. Every day is chock full of actions we take toward reaching that ultimate goal of being happy. Whether in our romantic lives, our jobs, our friendships, our academics, our families, we constantly work on improving these things because that will result in being happy. So when we experience it, we are only encouraged to work on these things more in order to continue feeling the emotion of happiness.

But there's a difference between happiness and simply being happy. While I do not constantly experience happiness, I still choose to be happy. Regardless of what may occur on a daily basis, cultivating the mentality of being happy takes an enormous pressure off. For then we can act without fear because even when sadness strikes, we are happy or rather, content. Though a word that seems to often carry the implication that we are no longer trying as it can be perceived as passive, used in this context, it becomes alive. To be alive, we must be content, we must be happy. We must choose these things because to do otherwise results in spending each day only striving for something. There will always be more to want and more to get. But by actively choosing to be happy, we are able to reach a sense of inner tranquility and peace. A state of mind that in turn allows us to simply be happy.

If we knew the Future in the Past

How would our lives be different if we knew things before they happened?

If we knew that a particular moment was the last time we would see or talk to someone, would that change the way we spent that moment? Or rather, because it would mean that because we always knew when something was going to be a last time, how would we change the things we do? Would we not bother getting to know someone because we know the friendship is destined to end? Would we not pull that all-nighter because we know we will graduate summa cum laude? Would we decide not to leave, knowing that we'd never see someone again?

Or, would we be forced to be their friend, pull the all-night, and leave simply because we know that if we don't, we're actually changing the future? Does knowing the future eliminate the existence of free will because we have no choice but to do what the future is telling us must happen?

We approach time as being chronological but in a world where we know when something will happen before it does, time would be cyclical. There would be no changing the future simply because that future is dependent upon what happens in the past, which for us, is the current moment.

While I don't think I would want to know when something will happen before it does, I don't think it could hurt to know when something will be the last. Actually, I take it back. We wouldn't hug each other as tight if we knew exactly when we'd see each other again. We wouldn't tell people how much they mean to us if we knew that we would be able to say it for another 30 years. Not knowing is what keeps us sharing, but at the same time, we don't always appreciate those moments because we often assume they will not be the last. We don't look at each other and say how much we care with real feeling every time because we believe that in a few hours, a few days, a few weeks from now, we will have the opportunity to say it again. We don't watch another car drive away. We don't see each other beyond just looking. We don't listen beyond just hearing.

What if we did those things without knowing when it would be our last? Because when we don't get that chance again, it affects us all differently but it's often what hurts the most. The one thing we didn't get to say or do. Because often, while we did it, while we cared and said so, we took those moments for granted and didn't make sure that that last time was treated like the last time. We didn't get the end, the goodbye we'd wanted. If we could know when we needed to have that moment, would we have it? Would we fight it? Would we look it in the eye and take it in? Would we avoid it?

How would we view every moment differently if we knew what we would see when we looked back at it as a past moment once the future is the present?